DZP Goals from the last few months...

Hey guys :)

Lets pretend it hasn't been over 3 months since my last post.

Then lets have a long overdue update on DZP goals!

DZP Goal # 13: Attend a Protest

 Occupy is a movement I fully am in support of. I disagree so violently with the way Corporations have bought politicians & have Washington working for them, while so inhumanely putting profit over the welfare of all people worldwide... 

I'm going to stop there before I start ranting, haha.

It was a good experience. I'm glad I did it. Would do it again in a second.

...even if I do get called a Communist by the BYU brigade : )

DZP Goal #75: Donate to 4 Causes for 3 Months

ChildFund. RAINN. PETA. ASPCA.

These are causes I really care about. ChildFund helps children worldwide have healthy meals & get an education. RAINN helps insure that victims of rape get the medical & psychological care they need. Yes, PETA makes headlines for being 'extreme,' but they get laws passed  like it's no ones business to help protect innocent animals. ASPCA helps domestic animals that have been abandoned or abused. 

Now, I am poor as dirt, & it is a moderate expense. I have been doing ChildFund for a year now, & a couple months ago I was having to re-budget & debated whether or not to end my membership until I could better afford it. I decided that I didn't want to do that. Literally two days later, I randomly got a letter that said my monthly income was going up the EXACT amount ChildFund costs per month.

 I thought that was pretty cool. Maybe I'm a nerd.

DZP Goal #70: Don't Eat Fast Food for 3 Months

This was WAY harder than I thought it would be. I did not realize how much I ate this crap until I was not allowing myself to have it. Maybe I just wanted it more because I told myself I couldn't? In any case, I did it. 

And guess what my first fast food meal was after 3 long months?

 THAT'S RIGHT. It was too good. Then I was a little sick. 

DZP Goal #47: Register to Donate Bone Marrow

After watching a short documentary about 11 year old Shannon Tavarez , a Broadway actress from 'The Lion King,' who after a long search for a matching donor ended up passing away, Jaime & I immediately ordered Donor kits to send in & get registered. I hope I get called one day. 

My donor card is waiting patiently in my wallet until then! 

DZP Goal #40: Be a TV Show Audience Member

Being in the 'So You Think You Can Dance' audience for the auditions was pretty cool. This is the only picture we got because cameras weren't allowed inside. But, at one point we were in the 3rd row & Nigel came over to us during a break & showed us a picture of his granddaughter doing ballet. There were some AWESOME performers, & definitely some scripted moments (am I allowed to say that?), but overall a good experience. I can't wait to see it! (The show starts May 24!)

DZP Goal #55: Join a Campaign

Sorry, guys. No Romney train for me.

 I don't know him personally, but I definitely don't like his positions on almost everything. 

Well, the positions he has now, anyway : P

 I do, however, like most of Obama's positions.

 I believe they are more in keeping with what Christ taught, personally.

DZP Goal #78: Pick up a Hitchhiker

...and drive him all the way to SLC in a snow storm. I thought I was going to die. 

But, I felt better about myself as a human being afterwards,

DZP Goal #91: Visit Mountain Meadows Massacre Site

This is a horrible event in church history, & in my family history. Although no one really knows what happened (all first hand accounts were radically different from each other), you can read the general history in the picture below. The end result was on September 11, 1857, more than 120 unarmed men, women, & mostly children were murdered in cold blood by some Mormons & Indians. From the journals of my Great Great Grandpa Jacob Hamblin, he writes that shortly before the massacre, he was on his way up to SLC to marry my Great Great Grandmother, Sarah Priscilla. They came across the Fancher-Baker wagon train & Jacob told them they were more than welcome to stay on his land, the Mountain Meadows, to rest before continuing on to California. On his way home his adopted son, Albert, had traveled to meet him & told him of the massacre that happened to the people he let stay on his land. Hurrying down to the site, he also came across John D. Lee, who is also my Great Great Grandpa (Jacob's son, & John's daughter married & had Don Carlos Hamblin, who had Orland K. Hamblin, who had my mommy, Carla Hamblin, who had me :) According to Jacob, John D. Lee admitted to being apart of the killing, as well as other Mormons who were joined by a group of Indians. Jacob Hamblin & a few other men buried the bodies best they could, & took care of the surviving 17 children, until their families from Arkansas could come get them. 

Almost 20 years later, John D. Lee was the only one tried & executed for the massacre.

You can read more details here.

You can read about what role historians believe Brigham Young may have played here.

Wall of names. Look at the ages. So many children.

A lookout to where the Massacre took place.

Someone offered to take a picture of me. I was telling him what button to push. 

He pushed it while I was telling him, haha. 

Some of the bodies are buried in that mound. 

The end! Missed you guys!

Much needed Vacay!

I have the cutest little tot balled up & giggly in my arms & the other little one playing with toys so happily. I've been in Florida for almost a week now & I am loving it :) I have only left the house 4 times. Grocery shopping, park, grocery shopping, & park...just being around my favorite people makes me happy :) The first night I realized just how much I missed FL...the smell! It smells so good here!! It completely threw me back to the days I would go on walks for hours at 2am. It was my favorite thing to do. Although those memories are now mixed with a hint of sadness that I can't do that now, I am SO glad I did so much with my legs when they were working perfectly. The heat is a warm welcome! There are not many places you can go to the park in shorts & a tank top in the middle of Winter. I actually like the snow, but I don't like driving in it so that leads to complete hibernation for me in the Utah Winter...

I'm glad I'm missing the worst of it.

This kind of breaks my heart! Imagining him hurt literally brings me to tears, but his favorite thing to do right now is 'The Ti'em'

The past couple months have been really hard, hence me not having written in a while. When I read back posts that sound negative, I get really bugged with myself, so I try to stray from the platform that would allow me to be so on a daily basis. But how do you tell the truth without sounding negative? A lot of smiley faces? :)

Factually, my pain has been as bad as the few months after the accident & I can't quite pinpoint why. I've had tons of surgeries that were pretty quick recoveries, but this one has been brutal. Granted, I rarely take pain meds (mainly because I'm so afraid of running out, especially since there is not a single Pain Specialist in Utah that accepts Medicaid), so I've resorted to heat, rest, & ice therapy as my only comforts. The surgery worked at first, my knee was definitely straighter, but after rehabbing 5 days a weeks for 2 months straight, it got worse. I don't know how that is possible. My Physical Therapist believes that my knee just truly can't tell the difference between helping & hindering anymore...any slight stretch & it freezes up, scared that it's being cut open or shattered--sometimes our bodies are so smart they're dumb :) It has come full circle again to the conversations everyone is having with me (My orthopedic surgeon, prosthetist, & Physical Therapist) is to start thinking more heavily about an above knee amputation. I refuse to consider it. I've invested too much time & pain to give up without trying a few more things first.

So I've switched my focus off of my knee & have now vested more time in building up my muscle. HOLY CRAP my right thigh has the strength of a newborn. Ankle weights have become my new best friend! I got a steal of a deal on an elliptical (which I am stoked about!) & my diet has been about 90% vegan since my surgery. Even in such short of time, I can tell I'm getting stronger. I know that my strength can only improve, I just need to bear the pain that using my prosthetic induces. This is testament to how much I've been using it

It snapped! I had to get a new socket made & had it wrapped in fiber glass to make it stronger. The sides of the socket were also raised to try & give me more support. Although it has made me a little more stable, a ton more pressure is now put on my joint where screws are sticking out... The first day I wore it home from the Prosthetist, I was trying so hard to hold it together as every step felt like a knife going through me. By the time I got inside the house I had a total breakdown & threw everything I had down the hall, ripped off my prosthetic & melted into a pile of toddler tears for a half hour. It's amazing how much better you feel after a good cry (tantrum)! I recommend it highly.

Hope you all are lovely

I am off to continue enjoying my much needed vacation :)

4 pictures

The last 3 weeks have been pretty much all about Rehab, but inbetween I've

Watched my little sister's Drill team take 1st place in their division for 2 different dances!


Decorated the tree while watching those awesome guys


Scolded Onyx for doing this


AND went to a wedding reception :) Lisel's sisters!


My knee seems to show signs of improvement on occasion so I'll keep at that & try to work on my social life in the mean time :)

Gratitude: Day #24: Thanksgiving. Family. Friends.

Thanksgiving

Family & Friends

I love today. I am in Vegas with Andrew's family who is having Thanksgiving at his sister Kim's house. It's good to be out of Utah & the house for a bit. I miss my family, all of whom are spread across the country, & I hope they are as happy & grateful as I am. It is very hard for me on days like this to not think about all those who are not feeling & enjoying what I am right now. While our feasts are on the table there are many mourning the loss of loved ones. There are many who have no food, or warm homes filled with love & happiness. It breaks my heart. I hope that they can feel some of the positivity I am willing their way.

They are, after all, my brothers & sisters as well.

To those of you who have been there & done so much for me, especially the past couple years, again I cannot express enough gratitude. For those who donated money to me when times were rough, visited me in the hospital, or sent me messages & cards; for Jaime, who moved across country to be with me after the accident, helping me with mundane things that I once took for granted, & allowing me to be a second mommy to my favorite little guy, Johnny; for Anna who has dropped everything to fly out & be with me in the hospital on a couple occasions, & has been there for me since our Freshman year of college; for my mom who was by my hospital bedside making decisions no parent should have to make while I lay in a coma, & who has raised & sacrificed for me since I was a tiny little embryo; for my siblings who all bring smiles to my face in their own way, & whom I love very much, even if we argue :); for my good friends (Lisel, Collin, Jose, Tamera, Alicia, Ruth, Sarah, Rachael etc.) who have just been so awesome, encouraging, & let me be me:

Thank You.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Wherever you are, I hope that you are happy.

If you are not happy, start counting all the blessings that litter your feet.

Then forget yourself, & do for others.

That has been my secret formula for happiness...

Even, if not especially, when things are the hardest.

And for some of those I couldn't be with today...

(the only couple pictures this last surgery where I don't look completely horrid :)

P.S. 100 posts :) Yay!

Gratitude: Day #23: Andrew

Andrew

I can't say enough about Mr. Andrew Marlin Sense Siebach. He is, & always will be, one of my best friends. Of course, I cared for him pre-accident, but post-accident I found this special place in my heart dedicated to my gratitude & adoration for him. Very few men would have opened up their home to an ex-girlfriend who had just lost her leg. He had every right & reason to go on with his life & let me fend for myself, but he chose to take on the major responsibility of helping me get better. It's getting close to the two year mark, & he is still doing what he has been from the beginning: taking me to doctor's apts., being at the hospital with me during surgeries, & making sure I have everything I need when I'm recouping at home. He has done so much for me, it makes me sick knowing I won't be able to return the favor in my lifetime.

Just out of the hospital, in the backyard. Labor Day

After the accident & just getting out of my first 5 weeks at the Hospital, I had so many worries & emotions weighing on my mind. I was going back to the hospital in a week to begin the Croft surgeries, & was scared about the physical pain, if I'd ever walk again, & how I was going to find the money to pay for food (let alone medication) without being able to work. Andrew had picked me up from rehab & we were going through the Walgreen's drive-thru Pharmacy to get my medicine. I had a $50 bill in my hand, which was the last of my money & was hoping there would be some left to buy a few groceries to tide me over until my surgery the following week. After filling my prescription, the cashier told me it was going to be $282. I was shocked. The only thing I knew to do was bury my face into my hands & bawl. I was wondering which meds I could do without; Do I skip the pain meds? Or the blood thinning meds? Or the nausea meds? Or the anti-inflammatory ones? After making some cuts, it still came out to $200 dollars, & in tears I just told Andrew to go home: I simply couldn't afford them. He immediately took out his wallet & ignored my pleas for him not to spend another dime on me. After paying, with tears in his eyes he turned to me & said something to the effect of, 'I have helplessly watched you suffer in the hospital for the last 5 weeks. I refuse to watch you suffer another week when there's something I can do about it.'

No idea where I'd be without him.

Festival of Colors

Rehab at Utah Valley

My Birthday. Holding the necklace he gave me.

Halloween 2011

Gratitude: Day #22: My Physical Therapist

My Physical Therapist

Shane has been my physical therapist pretty much since the beginning. He is the coolest guy, overflowing with positivity, & you can tell he really cares about his job. I consider him a good friend, & I just have no idea what I'd do without him. With my newest surgery I have to go to rehab 3x a week for 5 weeks, & do what he does at home 3x a day. Needless to say, it is incredibly painful, but thinking about walking helps get me through it. I am so grateful for my left knee that works so great & can't wait for my right knee to do the same.

I think this is the only picture I have of him.

Stretching & stretching.

Puke bucket & knee brace on hand :)

(at Andrew's sister's house)