Much needed Vacay!

I have the cutest little tot balled up & giggly in my arms & the other little one playing with toys so happily. I've been in Florida for almost a week now & I am loving it :) I have only left the house 4 times. Grocery shopping, park, grocery shopping, & park...just being around my favorite people makes me happy :) The first night I realized just how much I missed FL...the smell! It smells so good here!! It completely threw me back to the days I would go on walks for hours at 2am. It was my favorite thing to do. Although those memories are now mixed with a hint of sadness that I can't do that now, I am SO glad I did so much with my legs when they were working perfectly. The heat is a warm welcome! There are not many places you can go to the park in shorts & a tank top in the middle of Winter. I actually like the snow, but I don't like driving in it so that leads to complete hibernation for me in the Utah Winter...

I'm glad I'm missing the worst of it.

This kind of breaks my heart! Imagining him hurt literally brings me to tears, but his favorite thing to do right now is 'The Ti'em'

The past couple months have been really hard, hence me not having written in a while. When I read back posts that sound negative, I get really bugged with myself, so I try to stray from the platform that would allow me to be so on a daily basis. But how do you tell the truth without sounding negative? A lot of smiley faces? :)

Factually, my pain has been as bad as the few months after the accident & I can't quite pinpoint why. I've had tons of surgeries that were pretty quick recoveries, but this one has been brutal. Granted, I rarely take pain meds (mainly because I'm so afraid of running out, especially since there is not a single Pain Specialist in Utah that accepts Medicaid), so I've resorted to heat, rest, & ice therapy as my only comforts. The surgery worked at first, my knee was definitely straighter, but after rehabbing 5 days a weeks for 2 months straight, it got worse. I don't know how that is possible. My Physical Therapist believes that my knee just truly can't tell the difference between helping & hindering anymore...any slight stretch & it freezes up, scared that it's being cut open or shattered--sometimes our bodies are so smart they're dumb :) It has come full circle again to the conversations everyone is having with me (My orthopedic surgeon, prosthetist, & Physical Therapist) is to start thinking more heavily about an above knee amputation. I refuse to consider it. I've invested too much time & pain to give up without trying a few more things first.

So I've switched my focus off of my knee & have now vested more time in building up my muscle. HOLY CRAP my right thigh has the strength of a newborn. Ankle weights have become my new best friend! I got a steal of a deal on an elliptical (which I am stoked about!) & my diet has been about 90% vegan since my surgery. Even in such short of time, I can tell I'm getting stronger. I know that my strength can only improve, I just need to bear the pain that using my prosthetic induces. This is testament to how much I've been using it

It snapped! I had to get a new socket made & had it wrapped in fiber glass to make it stronger. The sides of the socket were also raised to try & give me more support. Although it has made me a little more stable, a ton more pressure is now put on my joint where screws are sticking out... The first day I wore it home from the Prosthetist, I was trying so hard to hold it together as every step felt like a knife going through me. By the time I got inside the house I had a total breakdown & threw everything I had down the hall, ripped off my prosthetic & melted into a pile of toddler tears for a half hour. It's amazing how much better you feel after a good cry (tantrum)! I recommend it highly.

Hope you all are lovely

I am off to continue enjoying my much needed vacation :)